You’re Aesthetically Challenged When…

You’re Aesthetically Challenge — Oh, Hell – You’re Butt Ugly When…
You gaze into a pond and fish die.
You go for a dip in the ocean and the sharks swim backwards.
Your first date offers you a bag.
A blind date actually puts his/her eyes out.
People compliment your motor skills and inner qualities.
Oprah won’t bring you out even after the makeover.
It’s weird how you always seem to hear screams in the distance… then footsteps running.
Michael Jackson wants to buy your remains.
Your cat hisses when you approach
Casting directors hire you for character roles… for horror films… then tell you to bypass
makeup and go straight to the set.
Insects won’t land on you.
When you were born, the nurse spanked your face.
That face-spanking thing happened a lot during childhood.
Your conscience tells you you had a hand in that ten-car pile up, that day you tried to
hitchhike to South Beach.
You’ve learned to apply your foundation with a putty knife and Spackle.
Every time you enter the salon, the receptionist holds up a cross.
Technically, your hairdresser would be called a farmer, skilled with sheers and a rake.
Zits would be an improvement.
Mom says, “God love it.”

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2 thoughts on “You’re Aesthetically Challenged When…

  1. Hope it scoots your boots, too!

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